Definition of counselling: Counselling is a relational process based upon the ethical use of specific professional competencies to facilitate human change. Counselling addresses wellness, relationships, personal growth, career development, mental health, and psychological illness or distress. The counselling process is characterized by the application of recognized cognitive, affective, expressive, somatic, spiritual, developmental, behavioural, learning, and systemic principles.
What would an Emotionally Focused Therapy session for Couples be like?
You would meet with an EFT therapist in a private room, where the therapist would help you to explore your difficulties, and gain an understanding of how you want your relationship to be, with a particular emphasis on identifying and changing the negative cycles that can be so painful and distressing for a couple. Sometimes, the therapist may also suggest some individual sessions early on in the process, in order to obtain a more detailed picture of each partner’s history and concerns.
EFT therapists are trained to have a clear and flexible map of how to help couples move towards safe, strong and loving relationships and will guide and support you through this process.
What would the EFT therapist be doing?
Your therapist would work with you to identify the repeating patterns of behavior that cause distress in your relationship and help you develop new ways of communicating and relating to each other. EFT therapists will work with both partners to provide a safe and supportive space where difficult issues can be explored, including affairs. Your EFT therapist would help you to re-discover the feelings that attracted you to one another in the first place and help you to restore a safe and mutually supportive bond between you.
Can EFT therapy really help couples?
There has been a lot of research on EFT and it shows that it is a very effective therapy for couples. For example, one study found that more than 70% of couples in EFT went from being distressed in their relationship to being happy, and 90% felt that their relationship was significantly improved. Perhaps more importantly, the results were the same two years after they had finished therapy.
How long will it take?
EFT couples therapy generally takes 8 – 20 sessions with the number of sessions that you may need depending on how complex and long-standing your difficulties are, as well as the way in which you participate in the therapy. Also, some people will have therapy until they feel back on track in their relationship, whilst others invest in more sessions, in order to work through deeper issues that are affecting the relationship and to strengthen new positive patterns in how they relate to each other.Your progress through therapy will be unique to you as a couple, and your EFT therapist will collaborate with you on how much time is appropriate for you.
What if it feels like it’s too late?
One or both of you might be feeling that it would be best to part and EFT therapy might be your last resort before making a final decision. Therapy may help you find new solutions to the problems that made the relationship become so troubled and helping you reconnect with each other. And, if you do decide to split up, therapy can give you a healthier, less destructive, way to end your relationship, especially important if you will need to continue to co-parent.
What if one partner won’t come?
We do need both of you to be able to do couples therapy. It can be easier to get agreement for a small number of sessions and if you both find it helpful you can then continue the sessions.
Can EFT help if there was an affair?
EFT therapists have specific ways of helping couples recover from affairs. It is possible for many couples to heal what’s happened.
Will you tell us whose fault it is?
Our role is not to judge right and wrong. Instead we work to find both partners’ position in the ‘dance’ of your relationship, so you can discover which areas you may want to change, together.
Is EFT appropriate for all kinds of couples?
Yes, all types of couples, with all types of cultural backgrounds, can benefit from EFT. EFT is used all over the world with clients of different ethnicities and religions, and with gay and lesbian couples as well as heterosexual couples.
Can we do some reading that will help us understand our relationship from an EFT perspective?
Yes. There are several books on the market: